“Healing your inner child.”
You might have heard this countless times as you scroll through social media. Images of people travelling to their dream destinations, attending concerts of their teenage idols, or collecting trinkets, merchandise, and anything that people might see as not of significant value.
People post about so often that it has become almost a caricature of itself. Now, the “inner child” trend seems to be used as personal justification for spending money – one that you might now have as a child – on ‘superficial’ items or experiences.
With countless posts about “inner child healing”, we might have lost the plot along the way.
Is there a child to be healed?
Many experts recognize that every person has an inner child and emphasize the importance of recognizing its existence.
Our experiences, memories, thoughts, and feelings from our formative childhood has a grave impact as we develop into adults. It informs how we form relationships, how we react to intense pressure, and how we process our emotions – just to name a few.
The term “healing your inner child” has become so commonplace on our screens- condensed to a kitschy hashtag or a cringey TikTok video – that it has lost weight.
For some people – those who have experienced a degree of trauma when they’re younger – inner child healing is not just a cheeky social media caption. There is actually work they have to do to leave a more peaceful life as an adult.
So when we use the term in the context that we usually do online – to show footage from your latest adventure or the biggest haul of things you purchased – we should recognize it for what it is.
It’s retail therapy.
At the same time, we shouldn’t undermine the effect instant gratification does to us, emotionally or mentally.
“It feels better to swipe that card for the nth time, than recognize that there is work to be done.”
For the kid who envied their classmate’s overseas trip, that business class trip to Disneyland is exhilarating.
For the kid who was not allowed to play with dolls, that collection of Popmart figures is liberating.
For the kid who could not afford to eat out, that midnight McDonald’s delivery on a random weekday is fulfilling.
While we still try to preach that “Money can’t buy happiness,” we also cannot deny that experiencing a certain level of economic and financial freedom allows us the opportunity to purchase that joy, to experience that child-like excitement.
That hit of dopamine is addictive. It feels more rewarding than sitting down and thinking about those parts of ourselves (of our past) that might have affected us more than we expected. It’s more comfortable. It’s less intimidating. It feels better to swipe that card for the nth time, than recognize that there is work to be done.
But is it healing?
How do you know when your inner child is healed?
Firstly, retail therapy is not ”healing your inner child” even if we do not want to admit it.
It can be part of it. It may rekindle a sense of wonder that you might have experienced as you entered adulthood. But that instant gratification is a small part of a bigger journey you’ll take.
“It’s fun to delve into a sense of wonder from time-to-time… It’s the only way that we bear through a world where there are responsibilities to be had and bills to be paid.”
If you find yourself spending a lot of money on your inner child, you have to start thinking about what aspect of your inner child you are trying to address with these purchases. What emotions are you trying to attach to these objects and experiences?
Have a conversation with your inner child. Does that trip to Disneyland healed that envy? Does that new collection of figures heals that sense of longing?
If the answer is yes, it might be one of the signs your inner child is healed, but it’s just a pit stop. The journey is far from over.
The healing does not stop from a swipe of a credit card. It’s a constant process of unpacking your past, coming to terms with your present, and planning for your future.
It’s fun to delve into a sense of wonder from time-to-time. A state of childlike wonder wherein the smallest of things can bring the brightest of smiles. It’s the only way that we bear through a world where there are responsibilities to be had and bills to be paid.
So, constantly connect with that inner child, the one that is imaginative and adventurous. Allow them the joys and the excitement- but not too much. As you talk to your inner child, also talk to your inner adult, the one that is pragmatic and sensible. The world moves, and we should move on with it.
How do you know when your inner child is healed? Only you can answer that question. Maybe you have done it without knowing. Maybe you won’t get there fully. But you don’t have to break a bank to do it.
